The following is a corrected/revised student response. Compare the original to the revised - the original is assessed as Approaching Mastery. Do you believe that the edited version is at Mastery or Above Mastery? Why? Review the essay rubric and revise your own intro/thesis.

 

Revised:

American Revolution: a Civil War?

In 1775, the American Revolution was the ultimate test of colonial unity.  In order to determine whether the colonists were a united people fighting for a common cause, one must evaluate existing class division within the British colonies. Politically, the colonial elite united a divided nation against Great Britain but failed to address the underlying social unrest threatening to weaken the revolutionary movement. Economically, policies and laws created by colonial government exacerbated the unequal distribution of wealth and property. And socially, class conflict increased due to the widening gap between rich and the poor.  Despite a shared desire for independence from Great Britain, the American Revolution only temporarily united a society divided by a distinct class system. Thus, to a greater extent the American Revolution was a civil war in colonial America politically, economically, and socially.

 

Original:

American Revolution Essay Outline

Intro:

In 1775, The American Revolution was the ultimate test of colonial unity.  In order to determine whether the colonists were actually a united people fighting for a common cause, one must evaluate the circumstances surrounding the events of the American colonies. Politically, the colonial elite united a divided nation to eliminate the influences of Great Britain. Economically, policies and laws, created by colonial government, exacerbated the unequal distribution of wealth and property. Socially, a class conflict arose and increased the gap between the upper and lower classes of the colonies. Although the American Revolutionary War temporarily united a diverse population of farmers, merchants, and colonial elites to conquer a common enemy, Great Britain, the lower class citizens were oppressed, manipulated, and exploited for the common good of the American elite, economy, and politics. Thus, to a larger extent, it is accurate politically, economically, and socially to call the American Revolution a civil war.